The "That Guy"

If you've ever spent some time in a bar or club you've probably seen the guy that's engaging in some sort of behavior that makes you question if your right for wanting to drag him outside by his faux-hawk, douse him in gasoline, and flick your cigarette at him .
If your sneaking into bars underage you probably are this guy.

Which ever the case may be Big Duckets presents the following as a public service to stop the current and future bar going generations from making these moronic mistakes that do little more than enrage your fellow man. The "That Guy" List

1."Trying To Pick Up the Obviously Uninterested Girl" Guy

"Trying To Pick Up the Obviously Uniterested Girl" Guy walks into the bar and proceeds to raise his Blood Alchohol Content higher then total fucking cost of the war on terror and the war on drugs combined. After sufficiently irritating the shit out of everyone in his immediate vacinity with uncalled for high fives and full on man hugs, he locks in on the lady in which he has the least possible chance of scoring with. In his current state of inebriation he begins to bore his target into a coma with tales of the following: The "wicked sick party" that he and his roommates threw last weekend. What his father/mother does for a living. His Honda Civic His major. His Love of her major. His Love of everything she loves. His Love for her. The supernal connection he knows she can feel between them.

After about twenty minutes of contemplating suicide as viable option of escape the lady wants out. This generally leads to the involvement of bar security. This is where "That Guy" really shines. "Trying To Pick Up the Obviously Uninterested Girl" Guy, will now try to convince the bouncer/doorman that he and this young woman are indeed friends and have been so for quite a while. Not realizing that when he took his last trip to pisser the object of his affection offered everything but a party in her rectum to be saved. Try as he might "That Guy" simply cannot understand why this woman wants to be saved from him and refuses to let her be. Which usually ends up with "That Guy" being asked to leave the premises.

2."Pick a Fight With The Sober Bouncer Two Times Your Size" Guy

"Pick a Fight With The Sober Bouncer Two Times Your Size" Guy is sometimes a direct result of a bad time with "Trying To pick up the Obviously Uninterested Girl" Guy, but doesn't have to be. Sometimes this "That Guy" comes about due to the fact that your typical bouncer could give two flaming buckets of rat piss less about the following: What you do for a living. How much money you have. How much money your planning on spending. Who you know.

However "Pick a Fight With The Sober Bouncer Two Times Your Size" Guy seldom understands this due to the fact that he is primarily concerned with bolstering his self esteem over his under sized, under used man meat. But no matter how small his package may be, you can be sure that he'll let you know:

He know's the owner. He spends thousands of dollars a week in this bar. He's been coming to this place before it opened. He's got a good lawyer. He IS a good lawyer. How fucked the bouncer is once he makes this phone call.


3."The Money Waving, Ignorant, Impatient, Jack Ass" Guy

Ahhh, "The Money Waving, Ignorant, Impatient, Jack Ass" Guy... This one is more likely to be the reason that the bartender has a bad attitude by the time he/she gets to you. This fuckstick has been waving his money in the air since he stepped up to the bar, ignoring the other hundred people there, like he's the only one who needs a drink. Chances are his wait time has been much shorter than the rest of the people who are patiently waiting for the bartender to get to them. You can pick this guy out pretty easily, he'll be:

Waving his cash around leaning over the bar. Clicking, whistling, or reaching out for every passing bartender who is making a drink for the person ahead of him Placing multiple concurrent orders (Ex: I'll have 3 shots of jack....make that four...make that five!). Monopolizing the bartender's time to leave a single solitary dollar. Considering the dollar he left a "Hook-up" Expecting a free drink for "Hooking it up"


4."I Look Like A Fag and Need To Fix My Collar" Guy

How much more can be said about america's favorite douchebag. You know this guy. Everyone knows this guy. More then likely still in college and if not, probably a college drop out. "I Look Like A Fag and Need To Fix My Collar" Guy Is usually never alone. Most of the time these "That Guy"'s travel in packs and are primarily comprised of all of the "That Guy" attributes. Moving from one stage to the others with flawless transistion.

So in short, dont be a fuck head, keep your opinion and personal life to yourself, fix your goddamned collar and dont be That Guy.

Skydiving Pants And T-shirts For Men

It used to be in the 1980s that parachute pants were all the rage in hip-hop fashion. If you’re old enough. you can think back to kids wearing MC Hammer parachute pants to school. singing “Can’t Touch This” and dancing down the halls. Those days are long gone. thankfully. And though skydiving pants are still part of some alternative fashion ensembles. such as hippy pants and other baggie gear that twenty-first century hippy types like to wear. they are very much an important part of skydiving gear in general.
And what’s more important to skydivers but their gear? It is their gear that protects their lives. and they in fact put their lives in the hands. so to speak. of their skydiving gear. Now you can see the importance of skydiving pants. Skydivers can wear jeans or shorts underneath their parachute pants depending on the weather. but they sure as heck better have those skydiving pants on over top.

These pants are part of the whole jumpsuit. These aren’t necessary required to leap out of plane. but they can help to control your speed and give you more control when you’re in freefall. These jumpsuits tend to made in two general styles. They can be made of special slippery fabrics and tailored tight around the body for faster speeds. Or they can be designed in that typical MC Hammer baggy fashion with canvas-like material to help slow down fall speeds.

Other clothing that doubles as protective and practical gear for skydivers includes a helmet and goggles. Helmets are mandatory clothing for beginner jumpers. but don’t be embarrassed if you happen to be one. Most experts wear them too. You can even individualize yours. choosing from styles like old leather football helmets to hard. motorcycle-like helmets. Depending on your helmet. you may need to protect your eyes with goggles.

The pants. suits. and helmets are just one aspect of your skydiving equipment. Other gear includes an automatic activation device (or AAD). which helps to safeguard you in case you drop too low in altitude without pulling your cord. The AAD does it automatically for you. Also. there is the reserve static line (or RSL). which is another safety device. The RSL is your lifeline and pull cord for your reserve parachute.

Retro T-Shirts Retro TShirts Retro T Shirts

Whatever

Have you ever watched the Jay Leno Show feature some of those bizarre eBay auctions? You
know the ones, like the man selling his collection of "real glass eyeballs"! Or the woman who's

selling a "John Wayne Gacy Serial Killer Doll". Not to be outdone by the person selling their

"unused coffin" or their "lonely heart".

Did you ever go to eBay and try to sift through the thousands of ads to find some of these auctions

yourself? It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack! But not anymore thanks to

Rockingauctions.com!

Rocking Auctions sifts through all the generic, mundane and tiresome auctions to bring you just the

weirdest, strangest and truly bizarre! Most recently gems discovered there?

Have a business and need to advertise it? How about slapping an ad on a streaker?

Need to bone up on your eye surgery skills? No problem...you can just purchase an authentic "eye

surgery video tape".

How about the person who's selling an adult variation on the old "ring toss game"...use your

imagination on what's being used for the stick!

Then there's the woman who's giving up her "unused wishbone" from her Christmas dinner turkey,

as well as the "two headed coyote", constructed from real Coyotes!

Lest not forget the option to "advertise on a lesbian" or the man who'll tell your children that there's

no Santa Clause!

So if you're feeling a little down and need a quick chuckle, head over to rockingauctions.com. You

won't be disappointed!

Gary Larson Made Me Do It

I was a power-type-of-guy in Washington, D.C. in the mid-1980's. I had a cushy job, and wore nice clothes. I resided near the Smithsonian on Capital Hill, a place I rarely frequented unless company was in from out of town.
One day, my friends Julie and Beverly called me and told me to get dressed, that we were going to a Gary Larson Far Side exhibit at the Smithsonian. I didn't want to go.

Don't get me wrong, I loved and still love The Far Side, but at the end of the day I was usually exhausted and the though that went through my head was, "Why wait in a long line for an exhibit, when I can simply open the Washington Post the following day and see the cartoon?"

They were persistent and I got dressed. They picked me up and we were on our way. The lines, though long, moved quickly and the exhibit was beyond my wildest imagination. The panel cartoons had been blown up onto 5 or 6 foot poster boards and were hanging from the ceiling. Many of them were my favorites from the past.

The blown up paperboard only served to make the Far Side better and funnier. The details that made it so brilliant were no longer so subtle or hidden. It was like Disneyland.

Suddenly a feeling came over me that I can't explain. It was an odd one and not very comfortable. Though I laughed and chatted with my friends about our favorites throughout the event, I remember the discomfort that I couldn't seem to shake.

It was a long exhibit with hundreds of images but well worth it. Now, back home, I was too sad to eat or watch television. Then I remembered. I had created a similar panel cartoon in the early '70's and stuffed it away in both my psyche and closet. I had done so with so many dreams, I wondered if any of them would ever die. Obviously this one was with me a long time.

Everyone has dreams. Some are more potent than others. I Continued to do my homework in business clases nd had no idea why I was even in colege. But there I sat.

I remembered sharing them with mom and her negative response, but, I remember thinking, "Even if Mom is not around, I would still be scared to launch such a project for fear that people had thought I lost it". It was then that I realized Gary Larson was not just a cartoonist but a brave pioneer in the world of print journalism.

If anyone thinks art is not a powerful medium, think again. It cultipated me from obscurity to heavy Interet saturation.

In the movie "Field Of Dreams" Kevin Kosner says, "Build It And They Will Come." Though I found the line a bit arrogant, it turned out to be true. No hype, no pop up ads, just a site full of good humorous free content.

Driving - Things You hate when driving

You know those long trips - i.e. 6 hours plus - when you are riding with someone all enclosed in a car? When you are all young and single, no kids, no pets it can be fun. But as you get older there are those times when things happen that you just hate.


Here is just a partial list of things that You Just Hate. I am sure you can think of some of your own to add.


Don't You Just Hate

When the passengers won't let you take a nap while you are driving. They keep telling you to "stay alert"

When some one hums - loudly and off key - every song that comes on

When some one sings - loudly, off key and wrong lyrics - to every song that comes on

When some one insists on letting the windows down even in sub zero weather

When some one in front of you is driving at the speed limit in the "hammer lane"

When some 18 wheeler is riding your bumper through the mountains of Tennessee

When some one is driving with a bladder the size of a basketball and never needs to stop to relieve themselves

When some one is driving with a bladder the size of a golf ball and needs to stop at every exit to relieve themselves

When you are riding with some one whose ego is bigger than the car. Me. Me. Me.

When some one doesn't share the expense of the gas or even volunteer to pump the gas

When some one keeps having those bodily function mishaps and pretends not to smell it

When some one eats all their food and then sticks their grubby paws in your french fries

When your wife tells you that "you are gonna get lost" every time you start out on a trip

When your wife is always right


Safe Driving

ALL Fun

Title: It's Gerg's faultAuthor

Gregory StephanArticle:I have been recently described as a person who has a distortedsense of reality. It’s not that I disagree with the notion; itis the fact that a label like that suggests an unstableindividual. The fact is that I do not live in everyone'sreality, but my reality is eighty percent mine. The remainder ofmy reality lives within my brain. His name is Gerg. Gerg is anunstable individual. You see, Gerg is in my head, but I stillcontrol most of my reality. He encompasses the other twentypercent of my distorted sense of reality. In fact, he is why Icould be called someone with this distorted reality complex.But, in reality, I let Gerg out once in a while and he is theperson that should be labeled as I have indicated. Gerg, whenreleased, is vile, bold, opinionated, loud, always right, nasty,grouchy and conceited. My favorite characteristic is that he isa complete jerk, capable of inflicting pain, sorrow andembarrassment to all he encounters. So, I say to all, it's notmy fault, its Gerg's fault. Gerg has been part of me for awhile. He has been responsible for many of the most unfortunateevents in my life. He was directly responsible for the sale ofmy last house and the rental history I have now. He was the onewho told me to sell your house, rent for a while, and then youcan buy a house. Gerg did this on purpose so that I would bestuck renting and wasting money. So, stop asking me if I amstill looking for a house for my family, it's not my fault, it'sGerg's fault. When Gerg gets out of my head too much, theconsequences can be devastating. He was the main villain in mydifficult, yet rewarding, divorce. Gerg kept me out of my houseso I could work two jobs. Meanwhile, Gerg was planning andimplanting his master plan to destroy my marriage. He performedat an optimal level considering he had such a short time tocomplete his task. Remember, he only gets out twenty percent ofthe time. I think he did a pretty impressive job. So, the nexttime someone asks me what happened to my marriage, it was not myfault, it was Gerg's fault. Gerg has had other impacts on mylife. He is the one that talked me into buying a car that turnedout to be lemon. I was ready to walk out, but Gerg pulled meback into the dealership to purchase the car. So, the next timesomeone asks me about my car, it's not my fault, it's Gerg'sfault. It was Gerg who insisted that I go back to college toadvance my career and to gain valuable knowledge. He was the onethat told me to sign a student loan for the next ten years. Ithink, maybe, just maybe, he might have done that to me becauseof his personality disorder. So, the next time someone asks meabout my college degree, it's not my fault, it's Gerg's fault.I will conclude by saying that I am still in control of whatGerg does from time to time. It is refreshing to take a breakand let Gerg take over. But, my distorted sense of reality is myreality. Gerg is part of everyone's reality. Anyone's Gerg canbe responsible for the path of your life. Your Gerg may bebetter than mine, but at least mine has his own reality. Not onethat is common among the normal reality that most screwed uppeople live with. So, the next time I hear that I have adistorted sense of reality; its not my fault, it's Gerg's fault.About the author:I write short stories to make people laugh and at the same timemake them feel

10 Things Guys Hate to Hear in Bed

10 Things Guys Hate to Hear in Bed
Written by Carl Megill
First, let me assure you that I'm not going to bring this list down to the lowest common denominator with a bunch of mindless, idiotic, sexual references. If you want that kind of list, perhaps you should be reading such tripe somewhere else. So, without further adieu, a sensible list of 10 things guys hate to hear in bed:
1. I'm telling you, I heard a noise downstairs.
2. If you loved me, you'd get me a yogurt.
3. If I die tomorrow, how many hours would it be before you started dating?
4. If you die tomorrow, would it be okay if I had the cable guy over for dinner?
5. Please tell me we still have collision coverage.
6. When I say I'm eight days late, I don't mean on credit card payments.
7. How many days can I drive with the oil light on?
8. Billy needs new "everything."
9. How would you feel about working a third job?
10. Move your head, I can't see Lettermen.
Okay, I couldn't resist. So, shoot me.

tyre

Just Sit Back and Relax

Today I went down town to see if I could get somebody to weld a piece onto my Jeep Commanche. The damn door jamb lock fell apart and I'm using a bungee cord to secure the door. (It's a really STRONG bungee cord)
I didn't realize it was a holiday and some things weren't open so the trip into town appeared pointless. To account for the gas I figured I'd stop and get my car serviced and washed. Emily doesn't mind the door flying open as much as she does the inch and a half of crusty mud caked on the fenders. I washed it last year but it's almost like she expects me to do it regularly, like every six months or so. When I pulled up and gave it to the service guy he just looked at it with a curl in his lip and asked me if I'd be running it through the wash after the oil change. "I just washed it last August." I said. The look on his face was priceless.
After the oil change we pulled my truck mirrors in and the guy directed me into the automatic wash thingy.
"You sure you want to take it through?" "Yup. The wife won't ride in it and the mud is affecting my gas mileage. Let 'er rip".
He went over and pushed some buttons and off I went.
Well, I'm gonna say right at the outset that it isn't a real good idea to go through a car wash in a vehicle using a bungee cord to keep the door closed.
I stopped and put the brake on just like the deep 'diety-like' voice directed me to and then the monster began whirling its arms and coming to surround the cab. It passed by from front to back just fine but on the return trip it snagged the mirror. This wouldn't be a big thing...normally. But in this case the pressure on the mirror opened the door and I was drenched with about five thousand gallons of foamy water. The only thing I could think of to do was to roll the window down and see if I could rescue the mirror from the death grip of the sadistic machine without getting hurt. Right when I did, the door released and flung back closed, launching my entire mirror assembly somewhere into the machines innards, never to be heard from again. By the time I recovered enough to roll the window up the soap was beginning to sting my eyes so I just rolled the damn thing down and went through the rinse cycle.
The sound of the mirror launching caught their attention so I had two employees standing at the off ramp. I left my window down and rolled by them looking like a drowned swamp-rat.
"Thanks guys. See ya in 3000 miles".
And I drove off.
Some things don't require explanation.
Norm http://normsnotes-normonster.blogspot.com/

How To Have Funs

Most of us don't live a care-free and simple life, as there are many difficulties we have to deal with all the time. We all have our ways of handling depression and boredom, usually we do some things that takes our minds of the given difficulty.
Since many years ago, folks were often finding ways of keeping them busy, even when they didn't really need to do anything and those ways have been altering since then, yet all this time we have been giggling and enjoying good jokes. It is pretty apparent that the new technologies have influenced every field of our lives, including the ways we entertain ourselves, and years ago no one could've predicted we would get where we are nowadays.
Some would say that they could pretend nothing is wrong and move on with their lives, just as if they didn't have a single thing to deal with, but those are just very exceptional. I met a few folks, who, from time to time, when they feel gloomy or moody, visit one of the many web websites featuring those humorous videos, pictures or in really rare cases jokes.
Enjoying those web pages is probably one of the cheapest and the most easiest ways of having fun, without a fear you'll get obsessed with it, nor that you're throw your money as they're free of charge. Its healthy to have more fun and not let anything bother us at those stressful times, so we should all do something funny and think positively.
In order to live our lives to the fullest, we should stop wasting it on irrelevant things that make us less happy and don't allow us to enjoy ourselves.

Aunt Bee Lives In My Town

“Why in the world would you want to move to a log cabin in the country?” my friends all asked me when I told them of my plans. It doesn’t make any sense to move way out there. It just doesn’t make any sense to move way out there. “Because I want to go somewhere peaceful and quiet. I want to move to Mayberry,” I firmly informed them. “You know of course that Mayberry doesn’t exist,” was the response hoping to get me to retrieve my sanity. After admitting that my friend was right, that just because I move out to a log cabin in the country does not mean I am going to run into Aunt Bee, Opie and Andy but I was still going to move. I explained to myself that I was looking not for the people of Mayberry but the feeling of it. I knew I could make myself understand if I really tried. A few months after I moved, I had a conversation with a local teenager and in the middle of the conversation I stopped him. He gave me this strange look and then I realized something. “Your dad’s brother’s wife,” I started. “Bee?” he asked. “You mean Aunt Bee.” And so I found my friends were wrong. Down the road and across the road from my old log cabin, living in a new log cabin was Aunt Bee. A coincidence? Perhaps, or maybe I had found my piece of Mayberry.

The Great Log Cabin Cover Up

They lied to me. The brohure said,”some log”. What it should have said was almost all log. Would that have stopped me? Good question. It was a piture perfect setting. A white house sitting half way up a hill . It was built in 1816. Actually that is not old, that’s anient. It made me urious enough to make a seventy five mile drive out to see it. When I saw it I was just plain counfused.Why the confusion you ask? I will answer. Before me was a house. Along the side and in back were five scattered small buildings and a huge barn. Was all that for this house and eight acres for that price? Surely not. Surely yes. I went in with the real estate agent and we found a hint of log but plaster covered all the walls. What was underneath? I would have to buy the house to find out.And that is how it all started.What followed was well…..interesting. Read on.

Uhhh...I Wouldn't Eat There If I Were You

The world over is full of amazing places to go, adventures to take and awesome meals to partake in. I for one am a firm believer that you the true way to get the flavor of any place is to try its food. I'm no sissy eater, is what I'm trying to say. I'm willing to try anything once and I go by the saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. However, when I heard about these umm, shall we say...weird restaurant names, I found myself faced with hesitation. A man, a real man, mind you, has got to know when to draw the line. And I draw the line at these weird sounding restaurant names and for the disturbing thoughts and ideas that go in my head upon hearing of them. Here are my top 5.
1. The Elegant Dump- This restaurant in Nantucket was supposedly open for years! Why? I don't understand! When I hear the word dump, I think of number 2, the toilet, relieving myself, or whatever you want to call it! I don't want to eat in a place that I associate with shitting, thanks very much!
2. A place in Memphis that sold hot dogs was called...Doggy Style Hotdogs. Umm, Maybe on a drunken night with my friends I would consider grabbing a bite, but not when I'm with my innocent little nieces and nephews, or my proper parents! I don't know who'd die first of embarrassment!
3. Cheezus Crust- This place supposedly serves Pizza..with what I might ask? Some scripture and a Virgin Mary Martini on the side? I'll take my religion in the church please, and not in a pizza parlor.
4. Chewy Balls- God only knows what they sold in this restaurant in Houston! This is not funny people! It makes horrible, painful nightmares about someone cutting off my personal lower region and enjoying them for break fast all too real! Nooooo!!!! The name just makes my lower areas hurt!
5. This is the last and my absolute favorite! Has anybody ever gone to Dirty Dick's? You'll never believe what they serve too...Crabs!!! Can you imagine the conversation? I got crabs at Dirty Dicks! They were soo good...Really hit the spot! Sounds appealing right?...Wrong..The only thing this sounds to me is itchy, gross and oh, did I mention wrong?.. just plain wrong!
So, the next time you want to go somewhere, don't randomly consult some know-it-all bozo for the best place to eat. Do your research, go online and maybe get some genuinely good travel tips . And when you end up in a really nice, really classy 5 star restaurant, don't forget to think of me, and say a silent prayer that you didn't end up having dinner in possibly nasty and absolutely questionable Chewy Balls instead!

Entah

Waktu dan Cinta

WAKTU DAN CINTA

Alkisah di suatu pulau kecil,

tinggallah berbagai macam benda-benda abstrak:

ada Cinta, Kesedihan, Kekayaan, Kegembiraan, Kecantikan dan Waktu.

Mereka hidup berdampingan dengan baik.

Namun suatu ketika, datang badai menghempas pulau kecil itu dan air laut tiba-tiba naik dan akan menenggelamkan pulau itu. Semua penghuni pulau cepat-cepat berusaha menyelamatkan diri. Cinta sangat kebingungan sebab ia tidak dapat berenang dan tak mempunyai perahu. Ia berdiri di tepi pantai mencuba mencari pertolongan. Sementara itu air makin naik membasahi kaki Cinta. Tak lama Cinta melihat Kekayaan sedang mengayuh perahu. "Kekayaan! Kekayaan! Tolong aku!" teriak Cinta. "Aduh! Maaf, Cinta!" kata Kekayaan, perahuku telah penuh dengan harta bendaku. Aku tak dapat membawa-mu serta, nanti perahu ini tenggelam. Lagi pula tak ada tempat lagi bagimu di perahuku ini." Lalu Ke kayaan cepat-cepat mengayuh perahunya pergi. Cinta sedih sekali, namun kemudian dilihatnya Kegembiraan lewat dengan perahunya. "Kegembiraan! Tolong aku!", teriak Cinta. Namun Kegembiraan terlalu gembira karena ia menemukan perahu sehingga ia tak mendengar teriakan Cinta. Air makin tinggi membasahi Cinta sampai ke pinggang dan Cinta semakin panik. Tak lama lewatlah Kecantikan. "Kecantikan! Bawalah aku bersamamu!", teriak Cinta. "Wah, Cinta, kamu basah dan kotor. Aku tak bisa membawamu ikut. Nanti kamu mengotori perahuku yang indah ini." sahut Kecantikan. Cinta sedih sekali mendengarnya. Ia mulai menangis terisak-isak. Saat itu lewatlah Kesedihan. "Oh, Kesedihan, bawalah aku bersamamu," kata Cinta. "Maaf, Cinta. Aku sedang sedih dan aku ingin sendirian saja" kata Kesedihan sambil terus mengayuh perahunya. Cinta putus asa. Ia merasakan air makin naik dan akan menenggelam-kannya. Pada saat k ritis itulah tiba-tiba terdengar suara, "Cinta! Mari cepat naik ke perahuku!" Cinta menoleh ke arah suara itu dan melihat seorang tua dengan perahunya. Cepat-cepat Cinta naik ke perahu itu, tepat sebelum air menenggelamkannya. Di pulau terdekat, orang tua itu menurunkan Cinta dan segera pergi lagi. Pada saat itu barulah Cinta sadar bahwa ia sama sekali tidak mengetahui siapa orang tua yang menyelamatkannya itu. Cinta segera menanyakannya kepada seorang penduduk tua di pulau itu, siapa sebenarnya orang tua itu."Oh, orang tua tadi? Dia adalah Waktu." kata orang itu. "Tapi, mengapa ia menyelamatkanku? Aku tak mengenalnya. Bahkan teman-teman yang mengenalku pun enggan menolongku" tanya Cinta heran. "Sebab," kata orang itu, " hanya Waktulah yang tahu berapa nilai sesungguhnya dari Cinta itu ..."

Pontianak

Kisah 3 PontianakPada suatu malam 3 ekor pontianak sedang bertenggek di atas pokoksambil bergaduh tentang kehebatan masing-masing. Ketiga-tigamengakudiri mereka hebat. Untuk menentukan siapa paling hebat, merekapuncuba membuktikan kehebatan masing-masing.Pontianak A terbang dengan sepantas kilat. 15 saat kemudian baliksemula ke pokok tersebut. Kelihatan ada kesan-kesan darah disekitargigi Pontianak A.Pontianak A : Kau orang nampak rumah tu?Pontianak B : Nampak!Pontianak C : Nampak!Pontianak A : Satu rumah tu habis aku kerjakan.Pontianak B pula terbang lebih pantas dari Pontianak A. 10 saatkemudian balik semula ke pokok tersebeut. Kelihatan ada darahbukansetakat padagigi, malah pada keseluruhan mulut pontianak tersebut.Pontianak B : Kau orang nampak kampung tu?Pontianak A : Nampak!Pontianak C : Nampak!Pontianak B : Habis satu kampung tu aku kerjakan.Sejurus lepas itu Pontianak C pula terbang lebih pantas dariPontianak A dan B. Dalam masa 5 saat je dia kembali ke pokoktersebut. Kelihatan darahmengalir-ngalir bukan sahaja pada mulut, malah pada keseluruhanmukapontianak tersebut.Pontianak C : Kau orang nampak tembok kat hujung sana tu?Pontianak A : Nampak!Pontianak B : Nampak!Pontianak C : Err... tadi aku tak nampak...

kelakar

Cerita 1>>>> Pak kasim seorang yg tamak harta..

Dia menawarkan anak dara suntinya yg>> cun melecun kepada golongan yg kaya raya sahaja.. suatu hari datang la>> seman, seorang usahawan muda ingin melamar anak pak kasim. beliau cukup>> sifat tanpa cacat cela tetapi beliau malas solat. setelah 3 hari>> berkahwin..>> seman masih duk kat umah mentuanya. setelah azan maghrib berkumandang..>> pak kasim mengajak seman utk solat maghrib berjamaah. seman gelabah..>> sbb sebelum ini dia tak pernah solat.>>>> Lalu seman masuk ke bilik untuk menemui isterinya. "yang.. camner ni..>> abg tak penah solat ni">> "takpe bang.. abg ikut je ape yg ayah buat" isterinya berbisik>> perlahan..>> Seman pun keluar untuk solat bersama pak kasim. setelah pak kasim>> takbir..>> seman ikut takbir... lalu pak kasim membaca surah>> alfatihah.."bismillahirrahmanirrahim..." seman pun turut membaca>> bismillah dengan lantang..."bismillahirrahmanirrahim...">>>> Aisyh! pelik menantu aku ni. mazhab mana yg dia ikut? setahu aku imam je>> yg baca kuat.. getus hati pak kasim..pak kasim buat selamba. dia terus>> membaca surah al-fatihah. seman pun turut membaca surah al-fatihah dgn>> kuat seolah-olah seorang budak yg baru nak belajar mengaji.>>>> pak kasim pelik.. lalu dia terus berpaling ke belakang utk melihat>> seman.>> seman turut berpaling ke belakang kerana mengikut gerak langkah pak>> kasim.>> "ish! gila ke menantu aku ni??">>>> Pak kasim berjalan ke depan utk menjauhkan diri dari seman. Seman turut>> berjalan ke depan mengikut langkah pak kasim. Pak kasim terus melarikan>> diri melalui pintu depan dan terus menuju ke sawah di tepi rumahnya.>> Seman terus berlari mengejar pak kasim sampai ke tepi sawah. tiba-tiba>> pak kasim tergelincir lalu jatuh ke dalam sawah padi. Seman pun turut>> menjatuhkan badannya ke dalam sawah seolah-olah tergelincir.>>>> Pak kasim pun terus bertanya kepada seman.>> "seman. apesal yg ko ikut aku sampai ke sawah ni?">> "ayah.. susah ye nak solat maghrib ni. baru saya tau. sampai kena>> berlari..">>>> (huargh huargh huargh!!!! sedey nye kalau ada laki camnie !)

>>>> Cerita 2>> Solat Subuh

>>>> Mamat ni amat lah tergila-gilakan Minah anak Pak Haji Dollah. Minah nie>> boleh lah tahan cun nya. Mamat ni pun tak kalah lah kacaknya.>> Ngurat-punya-ngurat>> tersangkutlah dua hati ini. Pak Haji Dollah bukanlah jenis yang memilih>> sangat orangnya, tambahan pulak si Mamat ini pandai berlakon, depan Pak>> Haji Dollah dia bukan main warak lagi, berkopiah dikepala. Selepas>> ditetapkan hari kahwinnya, maka lancar je jawab nikahnya si Mamat tadi.>> Biasalah malamnya agak>> lewat sikit keluarga Haji Dollah masuk tidurnya pasal dok berkemas rumah>> lepas kenduri siangnya. Pasangan Mamat dan Minah pun lewat jugak lah>> masuk tidurnya.>>>> Selepas semuanya selesai dan semuanya nyenyak tidurnya, pagi besoknya>> Pak Haji Dollah pun mengejutkan semua isi rumah untuk solat subuh. Semua>> isi rumah pun bangun dan si Mamat dan Minah pun bangun mandi dan bersiap>> untuk mendirikan solat subuh. Tapi dek kerana lewat bangun, Si Mamat tak>> sempat bersolat jemaah dengan Pak Haji Dollah. Walaupun telah dikejutkan>> awal oleh isterinya Minah.>>>> Maka, Pak Haji Dollah pun suruhlah menantunya tu solat sendirian ketika>> ahli keluarga lainnya sedang berwirid. Si Mamat pun qamat dan dirikanlah>> solat subuhnya. Selepas selesai solatnya dan memberi salam. Pak Haji>> Dollah pun menegur menantunya Si Mamat tadi, "Hai Mat kenapa solat subuh>> tiga rakaat?">> lantas Si Mamat Jawab "eh.. ia ke? tiga rakaat? rasa-rasanya dah cukup>> empat rakaat tadi...">>>> Masya Allah.. mengucap panjang Pak Haji Dollah. Si Minah tersenyum sipu>> malu dengan gelagat suaminya. Sahla si Mamat ni tak pernah sembahyang>> subuh! Kantoi..kantoi...>>